Hi all!
Well the title says it all, and with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, today we are "acknowledging" our 1 year anniversary since receiving the news of my diagnosis. I don't have a lot to say today but felt the need to jot a few words down. It seems, as many things in life, when you want one thing to happen you end up with the opposite. In our case, you want time to stand still and slow down, yet the last year feels like it has flown by.
It was a bit of a strange day, some folks remembered right away and knew exactly where they were and others were shocked to believe it had been a year already.
For me, a bit of a reflection day. Not only did we receive the diagnosis but I had just wrapped up my job with Yum! a couple of weeks earlier and was just starting to wrap my head around being unemployed and pondering the next steps. Then all of sudden I'm "retiring" and taking on a whole new battle. It was a surreal time, all of it, and most of it unpleasant, and I remember it vividly.
So as I sat in my lift recliner this afternoon(getting more and more comfortable by the way!) thinking about the past year, and the year ahead, I really found myself running down a list of questions in my head. Some I felt I could answer, other questions...I just said who knows?
Why?
Was there a reason, could I have prevented it?
Am I living in the "now" enough?
Have I...
accomplished enough in the last year?
been a good husband and father in the last year?
been a good brother and son?
been a good friend?
been a good person?
done enough to fight the fight and battle the disease?
As the years roll on what "legacy" do I want to leave my kids with? How can I continue to shape and grow with them in different ways?
Is Susan o.k.? Am I providing enough support to her?
Not that I'm going anywhere, but those that know me, I like to think I'm relatively organized. However I still ask myself everyday have I got my "house" in order?
I could probably go on but don't need to.
All I can do is look forward now, what's done is done and what's in the past is in the past, can't change it, right?
It's like a New Year's resolution and I will make sure(not "try" as that in the Yum world is just an excuse for not achieving something!) the next year is even better. It's a funny balance, trying to live everyday to it's fullest and then struggling with thoughts of "have you done enough for the future?"
So go out there and make tomorrow a great day and I leave you with this...
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
I'm off to McMaster end of November so will be back with a health update then!
